Tim Abernethy June 28, 1965 to May 15, 1981.

Imagine waking up in a hospital trauma unit and being told by a doctor and a chaplain who is holding your hand that your 15 year old brother is dead. I wished I had died with him. Tim and I were very close as brothers and spent a lot of time together. A drunk driver -- with a blood alcohol level of more than two times the legal limit--ended this. The drunk driver tore apart my family. My Mom and Dad lost a son, and my sister and I lost our brother.

May 15, 1981 had all the makings of a great day. The weather was cool, but bright and sunny. Tim and I were going to a cottage near Huntsville for the weekend to do some fishing. Tim had just bought a new fishing rod with money he had earned working at part time jobs after school. Tim was eager to try out his new rod--this would have been his first time using it. On the way up we stopped to get something to eat, there were animals there and Tim enjoyed that. Tim was a real outdoor person--he loved nature and outdoor activities like fishing and hiking.

The crash occurred just south of Gravenhurst--the drunk driver crossed over the center line and hit us head-on. Tim and I were rushed to the hospital in Bracebridge. The doctors tried to save Tim so they could airlift him to the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto. But Tim's injuries were massive, and in the end they couldn't save him--Tim died.

My parents were notified of the crash and immediately drove from Scarborough to the Hospital in Bracebridge. When they arrived the doctor told them that I had been transported to the trauma unit at Sunnybrook Hospital for specialized treatment. He then told them Tim had died. The doctor asked if they could identify Tim. This was done by my father. My Dad went into a room at the hospital with the doctor--Tim was lying on a stretcher. My Dad put his arms around Tim and hugged his 15 year old son--and broke down. My parents left the hospital with a friend who had come to pick them up. Funeral arrangements for Tim had to be made.

The impact of the crash was devastating on the whole family. My sister, who was 13 years old, did not want to believe that Tim was dead. When my parents told her she got very upset, and insisted that Tim and I had gone fishing for the weekend, and would be back on Sunday.

I spent a couple of months in Sunnybrook in the trauma unit. I did not get a chance to say goodbye to my little brother. Tim's funeral was held while I was in hospital.

Tim never knew what it was like to graduate from high school. Tim was an honour student and talked about studying law or medicine--that opportunity was snuffed out by a drunk driver.

Imagine visiting your 15 year old brother at the cemetery. Before the crash, I didn't imagine it as part of my life, and my family's life. Constant visits to the doctor for treatments are also part of my life, and have been since the drunk driver crashed into us in 1981.

The drunk driver who killed Tim had a devastating impact on all my family. I could not put down on paper all the grief the drunk driver caused and what my family has had to deal with since the crash in 1981. They say time heals all wounds--if that's true then there are a lot of wounds still trying to heal.

--Doug Abernethy